Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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