she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
