The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
