She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
