Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for