you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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