I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
