I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
