Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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