She's JV to your varsity
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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