Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
