I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
