she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
