He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
