I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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