he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
