i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my being single is dangerous.
we're making bets on your personal life
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
