I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
