What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
