So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
