Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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