Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
