fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
