So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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