We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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