You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
