there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
