i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize