isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
