I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
