census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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