Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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