a search helicopter?!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
