....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
