i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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