i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
