I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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