Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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