so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize