I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
