Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
