just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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