This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
