Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
