I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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