I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
