I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
