my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize