where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Randomize
