I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
