something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
