Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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