Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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