ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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