Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
