a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
