Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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