I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
