Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
