k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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