She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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