I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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