I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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