why didn't you poke me back
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
