I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
