I need help removing her.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
