We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How does it feel to date your dad?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
