My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
