He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
