im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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