you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
