It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Welp...herpes.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
