Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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